Why I Want Dowry

Dear Girl,

I am writing this letter to you with a deep sense of anguish.

Today you have declined to marry me because my family and me wanted the dowry to facilitate our happily ever after.

To my utter dismay, you rejected me!

This is unbelievable!

How could you?

How the f*** you had the audacity to decline my proposal?

Let me impress upon you the gravity of your loss that emanates from you rejecting me as your future husband on the flimsy ground of “not willing to pay dowry”.

You see I am an extremely well settled professional.

I work for a stupid blue-collar Indian software body shop where I, along with my one hundred thousand colleagues, work 24 X 7 to collectively promote mediocrity by performing electronic scavenging tasks for businesses based out of the “white world”.

My future is bright as I aspire to go to the “white-world” soon and I plan to settle in those parts of the world in the distant future.

I swear I don’t aspire to learn any of the cosmopolitan inclusive cultural lifestyle of the west but I aspire to immigrate just to dig more gold.

As I calculate, if I spend X years in the “white-world”, I shall amass enough wealth to buy a Farm House in Gurgaon and a Mercedes and thereby fulfill my life’s ultimate goal.

So, by declining my offer your future stands bleak, as you will be relegated to the job of a housewife in some dingy B grade town of North India- married to some desi oaf.

Now you also stand to miss out on being a part of my great family.

Our family is a very close-knit unit and you always have the pleasure of the company of my parents 24 X 7.

Privacy is a western concept and we don’t care about stupid western views.

But hey, we have an exceptionally well-decorated completely western style home in Gurgaon!

There are air-conditioners and 40” televisions in each of the 4 bedrooms and we even have a bar- though I must admit I have no clue what is the difference between whiskey and single malt or Martini and Margarita, beer and lager and so on….

We are very modern but we always consult vaastu to ensure each thing is kept at a place where the grand celestial design is not annulled.

We are very scientific and forward-looking but we completely believe in astrology and we have to find auspicious dates for doing all the important works.

We have all the latest “must-have” appliances but I challenge you to find a single book anywhere at home!

The closest things to a book that we have at home are cheque-books!

Books are boring and none of our family has the habit of reading books- they are only useful for passing examinations.

But we are very well educated (from D grade mushrooming colleges of course) and we speak excellent English- though we pronounce October as Uk-too-Bur, station as Us-te-ssan and so on…

I am proud that no one in our family has any hobbies.

Our only collective interest, obsession, passion is Money.

We are a bunch of living-breathing-f***ing price tags and we love to boast of that at all times- like the house we live in costs 1.25 crores rupees ($0.25 million)- the bar costs 200,000 rupees, the rug costs 40,000, the sofa set costs 80,000- the milk jar costs…..

Money is our real god- the reason why we are all alive and why we are here in this world…

My elder brother (henceforth called Bhaiya) is a great money machine.

Bhaiya works for a same type of company I work for and also has a surreptitious side business- though the side business has a conflict of interest with his current job- but who cares- he mints money!

Bhaiya  has an offshore bogus bank account and he has 40 lac rupees ($ 100,000) as black money in that (who cares about color in post apartheid era, it is money after all…)

He makes money in his sleep and dreams, eats, talks, breaths money at all times.

Bhaiya married his girlfriend but still managed to arm twist 800,000 rupees in the process- such the money making genius!

So, by not accepting my match you are sure to be cast to eternal despair of destitution of being married to some honest wager.

Finally, why did we demand dowry?

You see we married off my younger sister last year and we paid a hefty dowry there.

We also bought this great 1.25 crore home.

With so much outflow, I am sure you would agree, we need some inflows and what better than getting some dowry?

After all, this would have been your home post the marriage and should you not be looking out for the collective well-being of your would-be-in-laws?

Consider this, your father would be our relative post the marriage, so is his money not a part of ours in the larger context?

You must be weak in logic Girl!

And then again, I welcome you to look at the demands we forwarded.

As my marriageable resume in the matchmaking portal says- “No Dowry Demand”, we only wanted you to bear the full cost of the engagement ceremony, marriage function and the wedding reception- that is surely a legitimate demand after all I come from the groom’s side, don’t I?

And all we asked for you to pay for the small insignificant expenses like all the food and drinks, 3 day lodging arrangements, air travel for our 150 strong marriage party, entertainment options along with the usual ubiquitous deliverables like jewelry, clothing, gifts etc.

This is surely not a demand of dowry and there is no reason to over-react, right?

Wasn’t this a small price to pay for the awesomeness my family and me could have brought in your sorry miserable life?

But still you rejected me!

This is completely unjust and uncalled for.

Let me tell you, this is ultimately your loss as you are being deprived of the connubial bliss that you would have encountered with my cultured-modern-educated-wealthy family and me.

You lose girl, you lose big- now deal with it!

Yours Greedy and Needy,

The Awesome Boy

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60 Responses to “Why I Want Dowry”

  1. Ravi Anantharam Says:

    Terrific write! Well done, girl. Should also have kicked him in his balls – but appears he didn’t have any 😉

  2. Anonymous Says:

    This is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever read good job girl whoever you are!

  3. Anonymous Says:

    mind ‘blasting’ hope u send it to some national dailies

  4. Pranav Says:

    Your family should have called the cops on them. It would have been fun to see his market value and career graph drop like a rock as soon as the press picked up that story.

    • manasij Says:

      I hope this happens. The story has gone viral already. 600 views in last 3 hours and over 25 shares on FB.

  5. monica mathur Says:

    Superbly written…bang on !

  6. Sneha Says:

    Awesomeness ! 😀

  7. Anonymous Says:

    WOW!! … Superbly penned !!

  8. Fani Raj Says:

    Wonderful post, simply awesome. A real kick in the butt

  9. Anonymous Says:

    have you asked your father, did he took dowry during his marriage?

    • manasij Says:

      what kinda brain dead comment is this?
      FYI, my dad married my mom after a 10 year long courtship on July 1st 1978 in a court with just close family and friends in attendance.
      did he get a dowry? no chance!
      now, you are the kind of dumb assholes because of whom this system remains alive.
      and look at your cowardice- haven’t put a name and email to trace you scam artist….

    • manasij Says:

      These are your details:

      IP: 42.110.114.118
      Decimal: 711881334
      Hostname: 42-110-114-118.live.vodafone.in
      ISP: Hutchison Max Telecom Limited
      Organization: Hutchison Max Telecom Limited
      Country: India
      State/Region: Mumbai

      So you come from Mumbai. I think I know you. Have the guts to name yourself here asshole?

  10. Anonymous Says:

    great…… people have to change there mentality!

  11. TrollMaster Says:

    I am reposting this in an online magazine MomentOfZen.IN

    Credits and backlinks to you.

    Needless to say, great job!

  12. Sahil Says:

    Word “Awesome” will not do justice to this article ….gr8 write

  13. anu Says:

    Too gud write up dear..families like such should sit in a shadi bazaar and put their sons in showcase with a price tag on their heads.They r whores in real sense n their parents r no better than pimps.

  14. Why I Want Dowry :: From Manasij.wordpress blog Says:

    […] This post, all the content(text+idea+concept+pictures+EVERYTHING) belongs to the blog owner of https://manasij.wordpress.com The original blog post is at : https://manasij.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/dowry/ […]

  15. Ashtoreth Says:

    Good work. It sums up most people of a certain school of thought –although I don’t think there is anyone from metropolises who would own up to their own attitude up front like this :))

  16. Anonymous Says:

    Awesome…….loved reading every bit of it !! Well Done.

  17. queenofmars Says:

    thats a freaking awesome post dearie.. I was in such a situation not long ago n sm1 hd the courage to tell me all this on my face.. n in return i hd the courage to show him a finger. absolutely hattke writing..

  18. keshav Says:

    While reading the post I realised this must have been written by a woman. The comments confirmed that. What kind of attitude is that, is beyond my comprehension. It reeks of feminism. I am not pro dowry myself, but this post just shows what prejudices the author has against men. And did you know even women threaten their husbands and his family in the name of dowry. Yes, dowry should be and is illegal in the country, but this post is just too feminist.

    • manasij Says:

      Dear Keshav,
      I am not sure which part of the post offended you.
      Did the part where the prospective groom’s family brags about their money and great home and fantastic family was not understandable to you?
      Or was it the falsehood of their progressive outlook befuddle you?
      Did you got lost in the maze of the demands made my the predators asking for money in the most shameful way?
      Or you think it is feminist to call such dowry seeking ASSHOLES as ASSHOLES?

      BTW, my sister in-law refused to marry these archaic assholes.
      Now if you can work your logic, you would know- I am a guy.
      And finally, you dont need to be a feminist to see the nemesis- you just need to be a realist.
      What are you?

      -Manasij

      • keshav Says:

        Manasij,
        You know, dowry system was started to help start the groom his new family. And then it became a part of our culture. So its not wrong on the parents part to demand dowry. Also if the groom’s side doesn’t demand dowry, the entire family is subjugated to lewd remarks by their neighbors. So demanding dowry has also become more of a societal evil, if I may call it so. Now you and I both believe that this system has more demerits but the post shows “dowry seekers” in a very biased light. And a post on such an important issue should be written with a very calm and clear perspective. I feel that you shouldn’t just go about abusing them. That’s why I called it extreme feminist and not realist. So I am a realist as you are, but your article does not portray the same sentiment. It is far too extreme. 🙂

        PS: the top comments mentioned way to go girl or something like that, so my bad. 😀

        • manasij Says:

          If you think dowry is good then this is not your place to dwell.
          If the guy cannot start his own family on his own- well that loser has no business getting married.
          It is a LEGAL OFFENSE to demand dowry- so dowry seekers are not only assholes but assholes who should face the music from the law.
          So, be it extreme, it is not my business to appease any dowry seeker or entertain dowry apologists.

          • Prabhakar R. Yadav Says:

            Dear Manasij,
            True. This dowry system is a social curse. I am sure there are parents who want their sons to study higher for it would fetch them much higher dowries. Anyway, in my personal opinion, the same thing could have been said in a decent way too. You must have realised that your post was not specifically for dowry-seekers but for everyone.
            And there are a few reasons for the perpetuation of this heinous crime. Sometimes, no demand for dowry becomes the ground for rejection since it is understood that there is something seriously wrong with the boy himself. Of course, such mentality prevails mainly in the rural areas. So eradication of this crime is even more difficult in rural areas.
            Second, the amount of dowry received is the probably the most important yardstick for appraising someone social status. Such flawed mentality must be changed.
            Third, the more a boy studies, the more dowry his family demands, of course with his consent. That means this problem does not have its roots in ignorance but in so called education of ours. So education system fails misurably to inculcate any ethics (in this context only) into young minds. Out system completely ignores such a big social issue.

            It was great on your part to raise such an important issue here but please divert some energy in the enlightenment of others than abusing the dowry-seekers. If you bring about a change in mindset of even one family, you would be a great winner. But by abusing, you are only wasting your time. Please try to find a few solutions too.

            • manasij Says:

              I have no sympathies for dowry apologists and those who seek dowry.
              To me they present the two side of the same coin.
              Then again, any harsh critique here is not ad-hominem (I have not named them- though I could very well have done so).
              This is not against one person, but a class of sick people whose only contribution is poisoning the society.
              So, my approach is No Sympathy approach.
              Thanks for reading the blog and putting your comments but please remember we would not advance unless we drop tolerance for such pathetic people.

        • Tamanna Says:

          “Now you and I both believe that this system has more demerits but the post shows “dowry seekers” in a very biased light.”

          You’ve got to be kidding me.

          • manasij Says:

            Amazed at the number of dowry apologists…
            THis is a a social vice and I have no sympathie for the dowry seekers

  19. Anonymous Says:

    When I first read this post, I thought it was an extremely apt description of the prevailing “selling-my-dumb-son” attitute that unfortunately still exists in India today. After going through the comments, I realised that you were also writing from personal experience. Kudos to you!

  20. Abhijit Says:

    I appreciate your sentiments on dowry system. Your writings also display the mentality of a guy / parents who thinks dowry is his birth right!. On the other hand, practically its impossible to root it out. Certain communities are still so rigid, that dowry given or taken is also part of the status symbol. There would be thousands of parents who don’t want to pay dowry, but they do not have an option sometimes! helplessness and circumstances make people accept even the worst of practices. Writing is easy, but being in a parents shoes in such hard situations is not.

  21. Vijay Agrawal, Vadodara Says:

    Nice! An Eye Opening article….! Thank You So Very Much…. Please Keep it up….
    Here is link to a heart touching short story on Dowry System :
    http://www.navneetchauhan.com/2010/03/dowry-system-short-story.html
    Hope You wont mind if I add few words foe ‘The Other Side of Coin”
    I wonder.. Why girls are expecting their equal part of wealth from in laws as well as from parents at the same time?Prevailing law of our country makes girls eligible to ask their equal parts from both sides.. Is it a natural justice? How many of parents are there who are willing to marry their daughter with a boy who is of lower financial status???
    There is a popular saying in Gujarati : LOBHIYA HOY TYAN DHOOTARA BHOOKHE NA MARE..! Means – “Greed is nothing but an open invitation to Scoundrels…”

  22. VK Says:

    Dear Manasij,
    First of all must congratulate you on your post. Some people may term it feministic (you have hit below the belt in the literal sense!) well It is very much humanist at the most.
    Marriage is a time-tested institution which has continued to work in its myriad ways and if there is need for changes be it so. One needs courage and commitment to bring about a change. Kudos to your parents for bringing in the change.
    Historically speaking, dowry/gifts from bride-side or groom-side was an acceptable norm but does not hold good anymore. No crime is excusable (except in bollywood movies!) and dowry giving and taking is a heinous crime. So, Mr. Prabhakar Yadav, there is no need to be nice about it!
    Tongues do wag and groom is questioned if everything is alright with him (it was our personal experience too and I am talking of urban area!) but one must not go back on what one believes in – if you do not have your conviction right then it is being only hypocritical to agreeing to it as a crime!
    VK

  23. Vijay Agrawal, Vadodara Says:

    Great….! An Eye Opening article….! Thank You So Very Much….
    Here is link to a heart touching short story on Dowry System :
    http://www.navneetchauhan.com/2010/03/dowry-system-short-story.html
    Hope You wont mind if I add few words foe ‘The Other Side of Coin”
    I wonder.. Why girls are expecting their equal part of wealth from in laws as well as from parents at the same time?Prevailing law of our country makes girls eligible to ask their equal parts from both sides.. Is it a natural justice? How many of parents are there who are willing to marry their daughter with a boy who is of lower financial status???
    There is a popular saying in Gujarati : LOBHIYA HOY TYAN DHOOTARA BHOOKHE NA MARE..! Means – “Greed is nothing but an open invitation to Scoundrels…”

  24. Neha Says:

    Nice read..however this article can also be looked from a different angle also..We women in our prospective grooms look for financial security, he must have a lavish home, a high yield car and a sumptuous bank balance..We also should have real expectations from our groom…Our expectations should also be of an honest, trustworthy and loving person irrespective of the bank balance and other materialistic pleasures.

  25. Gaurav Sheoran Says:

    Good one this could make tje people realise that what they are doing is a curse……

  26. Parul Srivastava Says:

    Good Stuff Manasij! I couldn’t agree more, dowry seekers deserve no sympathy & dowry apologists are the ones who stand to gain or have already gained in the the past through this shameful practice. We need more people like you to talk vociferously & eloquently against it! May your tribe grow…….

  27. Prabhakaran D Says:

    Well written… Great! Let this create a sensation
    Continue your good work in blogs

  28. Anupama Says:

    Must agree, it was a great and hilarious reading!! Very well written. Truly a big tight slap on the face of the boy. Appreciate the courage your sis has shown up here and great work from your side trying bringing it up in everyone’s notice.

  29. Rajiv Says:

    I love you Manasij….You are like a Lamp in the shimmering haze..I wish all had that Manas in them which makes us all Humans.. I love you…Rajiv..!

  30. Geeta Charusivam Says:

    Great writing. In fact it was mind blowing in its intensity. And presents today’s reality of bride seeking in a hilarious yet genuine way.

  31. Arch Says:

    To all the dowry apologists rambling on about “feminism” and “the other side of the story

    1. Feminism is about gender equality. In India, feminism has largely been combatting issues which are known to be gross human rights violations : Street sexual harassment, dowry harassment,wife beating,female foeticide and infanticide,marital rapes etc. So dont go around rambling about “extreme feminism” and “anti-men agendas” because in India,women are still fighting for survival ,fighting for basic human rights in a society where they are regarded as inferior, Just because you saw random quotes from Limbaugh and alimony laws in other countries doesnt mean you apply that to the indian scenario. India is considered one of the worst places for women to live in (close to Somalia and Afghanistan.Thats how bad it is.)
    2. Yes,sections of the Indian Penal Code related to domestic violence and dowry harassment are sometimes misused by women. However wife beating is STILL the norm ,not the exception. Dowry harassment,dowry deaths still continue to happen.We still have high court judges who think women ought to endure violence as long as their husbands take care of them for the sake of their families. We still have cops who refuse to register cases because they think dowry and violence are “family”matters. Women STILL get raped.Marital rape still happens. Heck even the laws related to murder and theft can misused. Does that mean you repeal the law?
    3. “The other side of the coin”? Really? You want to talk about how men,who are on the right side of a prejudiced society,”suffer” because they don’t indulge in a crime?Yeah ,guess what,demaniding dowry IS a crime? So you think you can say “Oh but I HAVE to demand dowry,otherwise I will be a social outcast”???
    Im not even going to bother to point out how absolutely mind numbingly ridiculous this argument is.
    4.As far as expectations go,dont men have expectations of brides to be as well? She has to work and cook,take care of the children ,take care of my parents,be pretty BLAH BLAH BLAH. And now you’re pissed because women have expectations too?

    Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you want people to love you for who you are,then love them back for who they are -not for their ability to cook and clean,not for their family’s wealth and certainly not for their potential to be your personal punching bag.

    BTW author,neat post :).

  32. Prince Darwin Says:

    I don’t understand why women wants to marry with someone who earns more money than she earns. There is no point in hiding this fact that women are attracted to rich people. If they say that men who want dowry are greedy then so are women who get attracted to wealthy persons. This is a true fact that in survival of fittest in this world, money plays important role for security of future and family. Therefore, women want to marry rich person. But, why she should not marry a poor person and buy house on her own and ask her husband to live with her without paying a single rupee, just as girl expects to go to husband without giving a single rupee as dowry?? I am against dowry but I am very well aware of importance of money for both men and women, and how it is related to struggle for existence.

  33. Bala Says:

    Hi Manas nice post. But too many assholes in your reply to few bloggers and commentors. I dont like it personally. There are plenty of decent words are there to express your feelings. Try to resource them.

  34. Priyank Says:

    good to see you back Manasij, and good to see you writing again. I can understand the personal agony your sis-in-law must have had to go through but at the same time i appreciate her courage to believe in what’s right.
    as a confident young woman, she desrves better 🙂 ..

    keep writing. no posts on cycling? anything coming up ? 🙂

  35. Gayathri Says:

    very well written .. hope every indian girl has the guts to reject such fools and see beyond the ‘well settled guy’ in her groom

  36. Anonymous Says:

    hum ne dia hai to hum lenge bhi

  37. Div Says:

    Good post girl.. excellently written.. your own experience?

  38. Muslim Wedding Flight Says:

    Very good post and hope people understand the need to fight this evil on a war footing basis.

    I have already put a link to this page on my blog roll.

  39. Anonymous Says:

    You have hilariously captured the mindset of a certain category of social climbers.

  40. Preethi Mathias Says:

    Hilariously captured the mindset of a pathetic fraction of our society.

  41. Anonymous Says:

    Hi Manasij, this is awesome! This truly depicts the mentality of dowry seekers in India. Loved your line “Privacy is a western concept and we don’t care about stupid western views.” And no need appeasing those losers who give it a name of “culture.”

  42. Geet.philanthropic (@Geetanjali2032) Says:

    Well said ManasiJ !!! but unfortunately it prevails in our society though! NO PERMANENT SOLUTION TO THIS DISEASE

  43. Anonymous Says:

    Along with the high dowry demands, the grooms family wants a working wife who brings home a decent sum of money every month…now can they explain me the significance of that…

    Awesome article…

  44. Bulu Says:

    I have seen lots of my friends they say they dont like taking dowry but while the marry they say they are just accepting gifts…

  45. Reshma Says:

    Its always good to marry a guy who has nothing(no house, ordinary job etc), but simply loves loves you. If you are expecting something good for your own future then, still don’t pay dowry, just carry it along with you. Because nobody will buy it for you for free. A woman was never born to be controlled by men. When a woman starts earning, she should save for days when she can’t work and never ever depend on any man financially, no matter what!

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